


So Wrong, Yet So Write

by dumbyx



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Character Study, Dick Jokes, Other, Pencil, Pencil dick - Freeform, Science, Science Experiments, Social Experiments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 03:56:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18957388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumbyx/pseuds/dumbyx
Summary: Vexen often loses in life, from losing his biological son due to their tumultuous relationship, to losing his heart im the pursuit of science. What many may not know is that he is also a loser in the genetic game of luck, as Luxord would put it.





	So Wrong, Yet So Write

**Author's Note:**

> Give @ PupInACup some love for encouraging this monstrosity!

There Vexen sat in his lab, narrowing his eyes at the pencil. Normally, one wouldn't have such a visceral reaction to an inanimate object, especially one so often used, yet so mundane. Pencils are a basic tool that everyone in every world seems to use. Having such strong feelings for an inanimate object is unreasonable and possibly borderline delusional.

 

Vexen tapped the pencil on the desk as his free hand grabbed the magnifying glass, acidic green eyes staring through yet another basic tool to get a more detailed look at the pencil. His back arched, getting the best view possible of the pencil and the object he was comparing it to.

 

His very own genital specimen.

 

Sure, his dick was long, one would say he has bragging rights. Perhaps if he had no shame or manners, he would announce his dick length in organization meetings, or use it to flex on bitches. However, there was a catch to his 7.5 inch (19cm) pooter shooter.

 

It was thin. Tragically so.

 

He remembered his first time being intimate. A fine young lass by the odd name of Osilab laughing gleefully upon removing his pants.

 

"Pencil peen!" She exclaimed as her icey blue eyes laid upon his dick. In that moment, Vexen, who was Even at the time, became cold and insecure about his circumferally challenged manhood.

 

Focus.

 

Vexen's clammy hands grabbed his al dente penis, making him shudder at the sudden coldness of his hands. He did the same with the pencil, comparing the feeling of both with in his hand. Taking a few more seconds to stare at both through the glass, he beamed.

 

"The pencil is smaller! My genitalia is thicker!" his shrill voice rang out, shattering a test tube in the distance. Xigbar, who had silently been standing behind him this whole time, clicked his tongue as he shook his head.

 

"I don't see it." Xigbar's face was straight, not even the slightest smile was present. Vexen gasped, whipping his head around with a scowl.

 

"Of course you don't see it, fool! You're visually impaired!"

 

"Original comeback. Never heard a joke about losing my eye before." Xigbar replied, his voice laced with undisguised sarcasm.

 

"It wasn't a comeback, it was a fact! I can assure you my.. Part felt greater in my hand than the pencil! There was more girth.. Even if only a little!" The scientist replied, voice whiny as ever. Xigbar chuckled.

 

"Whatever floats your boat..." A moment of silence between the two. Xigbar glanced down at Vexen's pitiful penis and shook his head as he turned away. "Peace out, girl scout."

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Zexion!" Called Vexen, chasing the young man. "Zexion, boy! Wait right there!"

 

"Please refrain from calling me "boy"..." Zexion replied, turning around to face Vexen. His face was devoid of any emotion. "What is it  _now_ , Vexen?"

 

"I will refer to you however I please, child!" barked Vexen, arching his back so he was closer to being eye-level with the shorter male. "I need a favor from you. It's for research, yesss."

 

Zexion rolled his eyes. "Go on."

 

"You enjoy cooking odd meals. Some of your concoctions are honestly perplexing, experiments even I can't fathom and I'M A SCIENTIST.. so I'm sure you are able to do this for me."

 

"Such encouragement, Vexen." Zexion huffed, crossing his arms.

 

"Don't sass ME, boy!" Warned Vexen, spit flying from his crusty lips. "Anyway, I'm sure you're familiar with squid ink pasta?"

 

Zexion raised a brow, eyeballing the sack of bones before him. He could use a few meals for his saggy decrepit ass, Zexion thought. "Yes, I've dabbled with it as an ingredient from time to time."

 

Vexen cackled, an entirely unfitting response, but Zexion was used to his elder's absurdities. He simply stood still, blankly watching Vexen double over in hysterical laughter, noticing that tears even formed in his eyes. What a deranged old fool.

 

"Excellent! Please make enough for the entire organization! Enough for seconds! You know how much Lexaeus can eat!"

 

Zexion sighed. "As you wish. After all... If it will get you to leave me alone.."

 

"NOW, ZEXION!"

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

Zexion spent a few hours in the kitchen, preparing batches upon batches of squid ink pasta. How much he managed to make was impressive for a Nobody his age. Many spent decades trying to perfect squid ink pasta and here was a young adult.. Perfecting it. Once he finished, he put the plentiful servings on a cart, rolling it to the dining area. Zexiom raised a brow when he saw only Vexen sitting at the table, one eye squinted with a horrifying smile.

 

"Where are the oth-"

 

"NO TIME FOR QUESTIONS. JUST GIVE IT TO ME!"

 

Before Zexion could reply, Vexen created an ice path, getting a running start before jumping and sliding on the ice path. Vexen was no Marluxia, and lost his balance toward the end of the path, landing face-first in the black pasta. Zexion groaned, throwing his arms up.

 

"This is why we cannot have decent things, Vexen!" 

 

Vexen lifted his head to look at Zexion. His already revolting face was amplified by thr thick, black ink that was now coating his face. The dark substance made his green eyes stand out more, and when he smiled... There was ink staining his teeth. Vexen was officially more terrifying than any nightmare Zexion had in his former or current life.

 

Vexen licked his lips, his tongue stained by the ink now appeared more purple. "Simply delicious. Who knew research could be so... _tasty._ "

 

"Eugh!" Zexion winced. "I.. I must go. You make me wonder if I truly lack emotions because you truly are striking fear and disgust into my core. Enjoy your... Experiments." He pressed his lips together as he stared for only a moment more before leaving Vexen to eat the squid ink pasta with his bare hands like a fucking heathen. He truly sounded like an animal, grunting and snorting as he consumed the pasta, rudely slurping the thick, rich, dark sauce. He had no idea how Zexion prepared it, but it tasted heavenly.

 

After a few hours, Vexen had slurped all of the pasta and ink sauce. He wished he bad a longer tongue so he could lick the residual ink on the rest of his face. Instead, he had to scoop it with his hand and lick it off like a caveman. Satisfied, Vexen lay on the floor bloated. This may be the most he ever ate in one sitting, and it sure showed. It would absolutely show in a few more hours when he would blast the nearest bathroom to oblivion.

 

He yawned, stretching his aching limbs. He was due for a nap. And nap he did.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Vexen pulled his pants down, observing his lanky peen. It was still ungracefully thin and tall, as expected, however...

 

Carefully, he hovered over a paper, dragging his peencil along it, his eyes growing as he realized the trail of ink left behind. The experiment turned him on, making his dick as hard as a pencil, thus easier to write with. He laughed maniacally as he trailed the tip of his dick along the paper.

 

V-E-X-E-N

I-S

G-E-N-N-I-O-U-S

 

"You spelled genius wrong, genius."

 

"Xigbar, I have had it up to HERE with you!" Cried Vexen, giving his makeshift pencil a squeeze to squirt ink toward the ceiling. "I'm a scientist! Not a linguini."

 

" _Linguini._ " Xigbar replied, pursing his lips. "Clearly, you're not.. Ciao, Vexen!"

 

Vexen squinted, pulling his pants up as he looked down at the paper. He couldn't help but marvel at his peenmanship. To his shock, the letters were consistent and legible. Truly, this experiment was a success.

 

"Vexen."

 

The blonde turned, seeing the broad, poker faced ginger man whomst was none other than Lexaeus standing in the doorway.

 

"Yes?"

 

"I have to finish my mission report. Do you have a pencil or pen I can use?" Asked the Stalwart. Perfect timing. Vexen chuckled, one brow going up, the other going down. Almost all of his teeth were visible as he-

 

_zzzip_

 

Lexaeus's normally stone face seemed to crack as he grimaced. "That won't be necessary. I think I'll pass."


End file.
